Meet the Parents

25 Mar

More of my poetry can be found in my anthology, published online at

free to download, but please leave a contribution…..


Don’t put the good cutlery in with the old,

And make sure you wipe so you don’t leave

A stain. Silver stains, you know.

I never said you could play hostess, by the way.

You always drink excessively when you use the big wineglasses.

Don’t leave the tap running while you’re

washing up. It’s a waste.

Well, recycle the suds in the sink.

This one’s dirty, look. Do it again.

You are terribly inefficient at this,

You know.

I’m only telling you because I want to

Improve you.

I want you to improve. That’s what I meant.

Don’t touch that!

Now I’ll have to re-clingfilm it.

Scrub your nails after you’re done,

With disinfectant.


After you’ve cleaned it,

Make sure you’re hygienic.


Well yes, you introduced us when he arrived.

Of course I remember his name. Um…

Oh well, it’s such an unusual name.

Quite exotic.

Don’t take the Cath Kidston china,

There’s a duck. The plain one will do,

The blue.

We have a range of teas in stock:

Green tea, lavender tea, nettle tea,

Orange persimmon, burnt cinnamon, Lapsang Souchong…

Well, what are you intending to put in it?

A nightcap? At this time of night?

At least use a wineglass.

Just not the large ones.

I just

Simply won’t have you swigging brandy

Out of a mug.

It’s not, it is not, the done thing.



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